Orlando Newspaper Creates ‘Sheed Mask

The funny guys down there at the Orlando Sentinel Newspaper (or whatever the hell it’s called) have created a Rasheed Wallace mask for Orlando Magic fans attending tonight’s game three versus the Detroit Pistons…

How witty!

Here’s what the article had to say, according to the Detroit Free Press:

Take this mask, paste it on some cardboard to turn it into a sign and help the Orlando Magic beat the Detroit Pistons tonight by disrupting the focus of Rasheed Wallace, known as the “Walking Technical Foul.”

We all know the Magic are down 2-0. They cannot lose a home game if they hope to have any chance of getting out of the second round of the NBA playoffs. They need your help.

And Wallace is their emotional weak link. You can rattle him. The mask is Step One and some appropriate snarky comment is Step Two. After all, it was Wallace who said after Game 1: “You can’t rattle us. We ain’t no punks.”

Sure you are, ‘Sheed. But the Magic players can’t waste any energy or focus on playing trash-talking games. Magic fans must do it for them. So, gang, put a sweet message on your sign, too. Give Wallace something to think about — something to get mad about.

Don’t like any of mine from the box? Then think of your own. But we have given you the ammunition and the rest is up to you. And don’t be critical of creating signs and trash talking because it’s always been the way the game is played, going back to biblical times.

After all, it was David, when facing Goliath, who is quoted in the book of Samuel as saying: “I will strike you down and remove your head from you.”

It worked for him (along with the slingshot and the rock).

•DISCLAIMER: It is true that Wallace supports a lot of community work and has a foundation — Stand Tall With Sheed — that assists in youth development. But until this series is over, he is Darth Sheed and should be treated as such. Wave those signs!

The newspaper was also clever enough to come up with this:

10 shots at Rasheed

10 things to say to Sheed for Game 3:

10. Hey, punk, this sign’s for you.

9. Stuff pooped on your head. (What is that spot, anyway?)

8. You wear LeBron pajamas. (Of course, I do, too.)

7. You look great in Grand Theft Auto. (Good for the teens.)

6. Hey, Chauncey, our clock keeps ticking. (OK, this one is for Chauncey Billups, but we can’t ignore how Detroit stole Game 2 by hiring former ref Tim Donaghy to run the game clock.)

5. Charles Barkley dropped you from his Fav Five.

4. Rasheed is redickulous.

3. Sam Cassell thinks you’re ugly. (No comment needed.)

2. The guy behind me can’t see. (This is sure to get you on TV.)

1. Win or lose, you’ve got to go back to Detroit.

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Allow me to paraphrase everything this article just stated:

We are the Orlando Magic. The Pistons are good. I mean, really good…better than we thought. We can’t beat the Pistons straight up, so, we’ve created these masks as a distraction. Maybe these masks will make Sheed mad enough to where he’ll get ejected from the game! We know that Rasheed Wallace is one of, if not your best players and we are scared of him, but we don’t want to admit it. Oh and, ummm, haha you live in Detroit! Detroit sucks!

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