Orlando Newspaper Creates ‘Sheed Mask

The funny guys down there at the Orlando Sentinel Newspaper (or whatever the hell it’s called) have created a Rasheed Wallace mask for Orlando Magic fans attending tonight’s game three versus the Detroit Pistons…

How witty!

Here’s what the article had to say, according to the Detroit Free Press:

Take this mask, paste it on some cardboard to turn it into a sign and help the Orlando Magic beat the Detroit Pistons tonight by disrupting the focus of Rasheed Wallace, known as the “Walking Technical Foul.”

We all know the Magic are down 2-0. They cannot lose a home game if they hope to have any chance of getting out of the second round of the NBA playoffs. They need your help.

And Wallace is their emotional weak link. You can rattle him. The mask is Step One and some appropriate snarky comment is Step Two. After all, it was Wallace who said after Game 1: “You can’t rattle us. We ain’t no punks.”

Sure you are, ‘Sheed. But the Magic players can’t waste any energy or focus on playing trash-talking games. Magic fans must do it for them. So, gang, put a sweet message on your sign, too. Give Wallace something to think about — something to get mad about.

Don’t like any of mine from the box? Then think of your own. But we have given you the ammunition and the rest is up to you. And don’t be critical of creating signs and trash talking because it’s always been the way the game is played, going back to biblical times.

After all, it was David, when facing Goliath, who is quoted in the book of Samuel as saying: “I will strike you down and remove your head from you.”

It worked for him (along with the slingshot and the rock).

•DISCLAIMER: It is true that Wallace supports a lot of community work and has a foundation — Stand Tall With Sheed — that assists in youth development. But until this series is over, he is Darth Sheed and should be treated as such. Wave those signs!

The newspaper was also clever enough to come up with this:

10 shots at Rasheed

10 things to say to Sheed for Game 3:

10. Hey, punk, this sign’s for you.

9. Stuff pooped on your head. (What is that spot, anyway?)

8. You wear LeBron pajamas. (Of course, I do, too.)

7. You look great in Grand Theft Auto. (Good for the teens.)

6. Hey, Chauncey, our clock keeps ticking. (OK, this one is for Chauncey Billups, but we can’t ignore how Detroit stole Game 2 by hiring former ref Tim Donaghy to run the game clock.)

5. Charles Barkley dropped you from his Fav Five.

4. Rasheed is redickulous.

3. Sam Cassell thinks you’re ugly. (No comment needed.)

2. The guy behind me can’t see. (This is sure to get you on TV.)

1. Win or lose, you’ve got to go back to Detroit.

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Allow me to paraphrase everything this article just stated:

We are the Orlando Magic. The Pistons are good. I mean, really good…better than we thought. We can’t beat the Pistons straight up, so, we’ve created these masks as a distraction. Maybe these masks will make Sheed mad enough to where he’ll get ejected from the game! We know that Rasheed Wallace is one of, if not your best players and we are scared of him, but we don’t want to admit it. Oh and, ummm, haha you live in Detroit! Detroit sucks!

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Kwame Paraphernalia

I come across all kinds of funny stuff on the internet.

In some of my recent searches of news on Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick, here are some of my favorite
findings…

I know I’m laughing…only on the outside though…

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Quote of the Day: 4/9

“One of three things needs to happen to

this team. Either A, they have to throw a

shutout, two, someone has to come up

with a clutch hit to win a game for them

or three, someone on their team needs

to get hit by a pitch where the guys

might think it’s intentional and spark

some bad blood that way.”

- ESPN analyst John Kruk on the Detroit Tigers

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Quote of the Day - 3/27

“Not only do I not support him, but I

recommend he resign so the city can heal

and move forward.”

-Greg Mathis, a former Detroit 36th District Court judge

This statement coming from Mathis less than a day after Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick’s office confirmed they would form a legal defense fund. It had been reported that Mathis would be one of the committee’s leaders.

Way to go Mathis! Let those idiots know!

Just another lie from the Kwamster…

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Quote of the Day - 3/24

“Oaths mean something.”

-Kym Worthy, Wayne County Prosecutor

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Quote of the Day - 3/12

“Kilpatrick continues to act like a kid caught with

his hand in the cookie jar who doesn’t even

bother to deny the theft. Instead, he takes it to

a whole different level and says: There are no

cookies. There is no jar.”

-Stephen Henderson, Detroit Free Press Columnist

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Quote of the Day - 2/28

“Absolutely not.

I don’t understand when people say ‘resign.’”

-Detroit Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick when asked if he would step down

re-sign [ri-zahyn]

-verb (used without object)

1. to give up an office or position, often formally (often fol. by from): to resign from the presidency.
2. to submit; yield; to resign before the inevitable.

-verb (used with object)

1. to give up (an office, position, etc.), often informally.
2. to relinquish (a right, claim, agreement, etc.).
3. to give or sign over, as to the control or care of another: She resigned her child to an adoption agency.
4. to submit (oneself, one’s mind, etc.) without resistance.

-Synonyms: 1. withdraw. 3. abdicate, renounce; quit, leave. 4. give up, surrender, cede, forgo.

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Quote of the Day - 2/27

“It’s a one-day news story”

-Former Detroit Chief of Staff Christine Beatty on police whistle-blower lawsuits, as said to police lawyer Mike Stefani.

Yeah, if by “one-day” you mean months on end…dumbass.

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World’s Biggest Burger

One-hundred and thirty-four pounds.

That poundage is how Mallie’s Sports Grill & Bar in Southgate, Mich. captured the title of “World’s Largest Burger” this past Saturday.

However, the record is not official yet. The Guinness Book of World Records may take a few weeks to process everything.

The 24-inch burger’s final weight was 134 pounds, beating the previous record of 123 pounds, set by Denny’s Beer Barrel Pub in Clearfield, Pa., in 2007.

The burger takes three men using two steel sheets to flip it.

With a 24 hour notice and a $399 tab, the hugified, gi-mundo burger can be all yours.

But if you’re not that hungry, you can just go with their 12-pound or six-pound burgers.

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Kwame Kilpatrick: On an ‘Assignment from God’

Boy oh boy…where do I begin?

In the midst of all the new developments in the texting scandal, Mayor Kwame Kilpatrick took time out of his oh-so-busy schedule to address some issues on a local radio station.

First thing is first: Kilpatrick accused the Detroit Free Press of illegally obtaining the text messages that exposed an affair between him and his chief of staff.

This coming after the fact that they both lied to jurors about the situation.

Kilpatrick said he believes the Free Press “has committed a crime.”

Right. Haven’t you ever heard of the Freedom of Information Act, Mr. Mayor? I thought you were a lawyer once?

The mayor went on to talk about how he is repairing his family life saying, “It’s clear that I’ve been disobedient to God and I’m getting my whipping for it.”

Now, I’m not always that clear about laws and legalities, but if I’m not mistaken, the mayor just perjured himself in that statement by admitting his affair.

He was on the radio for about an hour being interviewed by a friend of his family (surprise, surprise) err, uh, I mean, radio host.

The mayor said that his former chief of staff Christine Beatty did the right thing by resigning after the text message scandal surfaced.

So, let me get this straight. If she is right for resigning, then what does that make you, mayor? I’m still trying to figure that out, so let me know.

Kilpatrick went on to say that he believes he is on “an assignment from God” to run the city of Detroit and he has no plans to resign.

Assignment from God huh? Hmm.

So, what you are saying, Kwame Kilpatrick, is during the course of running this city, God told you to:

–Have an affair with your chief of staff

–Illegally and wrongfully fire

Kwame Kilpatrick: Our Teflon Don Mayor

I have refrained from commenting on this Kwame situation for some time now.

I wanted to see and hear what this man was planning on saying to defend himself. And after hearing it last night, I am not in the least bit impressed.

The mayor got up last night and gave his boo-hoo speech, showed a little bit of emotion and said he was sorry to the citizens of Detroit and his family.

News flash people: saying you’re “sorry” is not the same as saying you’re “wrong,” which he did not do.

I, for one, do not buy the story that Kwame is the victim in this situation. That fake emotion and crocodile tears do not fool me and they shouldn’t fool you either.

I think people are really losing sight of the issue at hand. There is so much focus on sex, scandal and texting, that people have forgotten what this is really all about: LIES.

Who cares if this man had an affair with another woman? I don’t and neither should you. That stuff is his personal business.

But personal becomes public when the media gets a hold of it. Still, besides the point. The point is that

Photos: 2008 Detroit Auto Show

Here’s what you’ve all been waiting for…all of my photos from the Auto Show.

There will be more of my analysis from the show to come, but for now enjoy the pics.

Don’t drool too much!

P.S. I’m too lazy to write captions for all of these…deal with it.

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